to the prick of misery

Open it and quicken it... I guess it means doing it... I remember when "doing it", meant sex... ahh distant memories of ancient pre internet history... we went outside then, its a place away from your device, away from your connection to the virtual the outside there is sunshine, wind and other unfamiliar thing's...other unfamiliar things...I guess I'm wrong about people not reading anymore... I told my friend whom suggested I write a blog... that people don't read anymore... not that I can write, I guess that's obvious by reading the content of this blog... but after making some entries into it... and looking at the views... I guess people still do read... I definitely am not a writer... there is no doubt about that... anyway, not really trying to be the frothing mouthed madman here and now... the madman is my state of mind where I assume an... attempting to project a psychological projection upon the unsuspecting public...example this blog...I find that he, the frothing mouthed madman or that aspect of myself, did have something to say ...but I can't remember what it is right now... the perspective of insanity is not always a viewpoint I can stay totally loyal to... but the attempt is in letting go of any concept of being a writter, which I can do...that part I am good at... is somehow part of my "process"... but I never became a writer in the first place there in lies my weakness... the unity between my lack of writting ability and my not really caring that I am not a writter, must somehow culminate into a sort of style ...of textual expression... that is difficult to to be what I am not... my finger taps upon the cell phones virtual keyboard... without reason...does the lack of skill or idea of what writting should be somehow free me from constraints?... having dropped out of the eighth grade, never having been formally educated...did this somehow release me from an entire world of total horseshit?... I think so,... it does not mean what I am doing is means I am just doing it... I believe it does free me from academia and it's narrow constraints...its choking deathly gaunt bony fingers... wispy in imaginal weaknesses ...the complete indoctrination into the military Industrial complex slave system... totally creates these pricks of misery ...whom know absolutely everything and still seem to fail miserably...they that are just much too educated to read this particular brand of poorly written garbage...they are in a way not only pompus windbags of conformist cowardice... they are in a way... totally sedated... totally mentally baked and branded for that cookie cutter corporate sterilized donkey shit, that only very highly educated fools can perpetrate upon the world...I may be over-reaching ...unless that makes you angry...if it somehow is you...descibes you... or makes you angry... then of course it was not written in vain...what is this hacking thing?..young people?...why does everything in life have to be "hacked"...I get the metaphor but do you all?...are you really thinking about the implications of the entire metaphor?...when I think of hacking I think of machetes slicing through the dense jungle brush in metallic swish and tinging sounds as the greenery falls in front of sweaty that not some image of a pasty faced geek in front of his computer blue screen glow... eating Doritos and drinking some vile soda pop of currently envouge popularity?...ooh so terribly not poorly expressed... how could I possibly be typing this? could pop culture still be so superficial?...but still cleverly injecting disempowering language upon the public's psyche... I feel as though one of those pricks of shallow educated conformity and misery has possessed my mind and is writting through me somehow... and what's up with, disrupting?...ohh I am a disruptor... it sounds like a Tony Robbins seminar... what is wrong with these kids So if I were to bound over all these modern inferences of popular expression ...bounding is a jumping kind of running...being well worn out and discarded...all these pop culture fads of expression collapsing back into language... would I come to a realm outside the dream state you are currently in?... the fantasy passing for life that you say is your existence but is some kind of posing as though you are existing... a pipe dream of material incarnation, your so called life of fraudulent movement and sound... is that the world that you occupy? Is there a dimensionally larger world that only actors and business people...and famous musicians exclusively occupy and we as peons just cannot enter? You see it everywhere in your device screens and upon the soulless walls of sold out ethical conduct...the world of literal spirit sucking ungodlieness that your virtual realm and outter world has transformed into...corporate America...has nothing been spared in the transformation of America into The corporate Kleptocracy that has the magical touch of shit ...everything it touches turns to shit... everything any corporation even looks at withers and dies in its infectious presence... what the hell happened to those people? It is like a weird old movie, where anyone whom is hired by one of these big corporations is completely transformed, like invasion of the body snatchers...what the heck is wrong with all these people?..they have sold their souls...and most people have been convinced their is no soul to sell... but there is.... hey that's old news... why dont I talk about something new right...the freaking old paradigm of rotten materialism fading into disease, is the snake of metaphor getting bruised upon the head while she bruised her heel... I'm not sure what that means... but I know it's significant somehow because it's in the bible.. because more than the bible ... it is in me... and I will find out what that particular word scene means... I just don't know yet... no one needs to enlighten me or tell me or save me... I get my interpretation by revelation by personal and divine revelation...through my own effort through my own self...without any certified individual and no organization or "church"... the realization of the scene need not be spoon fed to me... thank you...interpeting dreams is not a fixed science...all our greatest science's like math have places where they break down and don't work ... not all math "problems" are solvable... though they theoretically should be... same with all this world... our abilities do not change because we desire them to...somewhere in this experience there is a place for me... a place where I am helpful and needed...where I am contributing to the whole environment around me and where I am supported in excess ...but where is that place?... if there is someone else at fault ...for why I don't seem to have a place in the world... where is that person and what is their name... if its me who is the problem...why can't I be the solution?... why is it that I do try, that I do all things that the gurus say... I think positive I believe and I strive... I keep trying and that's all there is... nothing more... why does it seem not to work?.. what is the answer to my desires fullfilment? ...When I had success in the past this whole idea of alignment or new thought...or positive thinking... none of this was neccessary before... and i had success...and none of it seems to be working there is something I'm either doing or not doing...that I need to stop doing or start doing...and I do not seem to be able to know what that elusive thing is... its usually a letting go of something...its usually a relaxing and not a tensing up...and this new level of success I am attempting to break into... that I am breaking into!... is a new level requiring the new way of thinking that I have not practiced I am slowing down now... to really look at how I'm own energy is own way to success is the way I am looking only comes through me...this way or answer or solution that I seem to really badly want ...only comes through me... only I make the change and I am making the change...I allow all others their ways and means as I move down mine, into and through mine... and the man I am is bringing me to the solution I want... not by mathmatic formulation or plan... or steps... because math fails in this area of may be just fine for computers and rockets...but how much do computers and rockets have to do with my success?...not everything is math... the whole idea of treating science as a God is a total failure... I can clearly see how much trouble has come out of the worshipping of science...I can change this state of perception I am in and change my circumstances...but I am through talking about it...I am done saying what I know is the answer..because it only matters that I get it... it only matters that I have found a way out...I am not being selfish...I am seeing that it is a fact of this world that so few actually ever "get it"...and that there will never be a clear set of steps, or instructions on how to "get it"...Im going to live it for a while... once again to be out in the field without a safety net... well just like now... there never was a time when I wasn't out there in it and and doing it...there are just these times when I loose my perspective about what it is that I want... what I think it should be... why not forget about what it should be and fully get into what it is?... this pushing foward through the perceived difficulty is the only way through right now... what else can I do ?... there is only this for me and this must be the way through into my desire...into my goal achieved...plans fail...people fail... I cannot rely on anything outside myself...I can only keep doing what it is I am doing...what else do I know?... I know nothing else... I only know this.

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