more positive leanings

A faceless shapeless awareness, disentangled from the form it wore...freedom from all the many tantrums of the world... there are no ascended masters...there are none better or greater than youreself...only concioussness, only yourself... calling things into your experience ...only you are responsible for that which you have wrought in the wine-press of mind, trudging for eons along these same tracks...even in no thought and emptied... Having become the I am still are I walk ... and take some wine for my stomach... my walk now is away, and no track or snare can hold me...I break free of the gravity of this juvinille spirit of the world, I need not be fascinated with it any longer, this world need not teach me its lessons of letting go...I have let it go ...truly let it go...the me that I hold within myself always emerging.... from that 4th dimensional kingdom of within... to know without doubt that the law cannot be broken... no one here is able to do anything but labor toward my ends... under some compulsion that we cannot understand... for his ways are beyond knowing and this does make the yoke easy the burden lite... so I can feel the truth emerging stronger, and stronger it is drawing near... it is as normal as each breath or a footstep... my way made straight, I walk away even further from this place that I was...and still here... I am unattached and faith is my fortune... it is a relief to die, to be reborn so strengthened in a power that cannot be from this is not be avoided, but it is not to be wallowed in either... my comfort is not found anyplace, I find no answer in anyone... but their is agreement found with others, just as it always has been... My vision of others is of the golden rule, I only bring to them thst which I want for myself...this is one way to freedom... my dross burning away just as theirs, we burn in this furance of affictions until pure...I describe myself as I would like others to see me... and this held in my true belief certainty becomes truth in this seeming physical sharp tounge and discrimination against elements of myself pushed out, reflecting the disharmony within self... as my soft words that heal and unify pushed out reflect a harmony within me that is demonstrated all around the world healed in my decree?...only for me... no longer shall I attack, knowing... fully understanding that I only attack myself... I now heal with my words ... I now need not resist temptation as I recognize it immediately... my decree brings harmony and wisdom into my self... and immediately I fall stumbling right on my face...So I had fallen, disgracefully headlong into the trap of arguing with someone again... I know I needed to agree with him immediately... and yet I dug in and argued to bitter ends with did go completely unconscious right after having this conversation of enlightened focus, I showed myself how easily I could fall back asleep.. what I resisted persisted, I am not beating myself up... I am holding on to some aspect of myself that I believe is powerful or useful...really shocking me, as to my own inner monster that I seem to have deeply invested importance in... wow... wow... my little sense of an important self being somehow inexplicably important illusory mask completely taking over my body and mind... because I could have chosen not to see the situation that way at all... I could have brought myself to understand that the whole thing was unnecessary ...totally fabricated illusory self importance overdone in some kind of weird frustration... a sickening energy of lashing out... of trying to be better than someone else... I can forgive myself and let go of this thing that has come to the surface... I will apologize to the guy and move on... I am apologizing to the guy and I am moving on, being ever so much more mindful that perhaps my old self is still being burned away... I am unaware of the unconscious, hence the definition of the word... I am grateful to know that I am less developed than I had previously believed...developed is not right...I am moving into an unfamiliar territory... I have been unconcios so long I should be ever so mindful of going unconcios... whatever my shortcomings in life, I cannot spend time dwelling upon them... I know that again acting in under some strange compulsion that God has always played all the parts, even me stupidly arguing with that guy this morning... over nothing... somehow God acting in me was carrying out someone's intent without me being concious of it...under some strange compulsion they all labor toward my ends...they serve my intent in unconcios compulsion as well as the rare concious, choice... heck I wasn't concious of much while getting into the I can pee further than you contest/argument this morning... over the overt insult that I was to just take without question from him.... whoa already slipping into unconsciousness while writting here...can I be present...aware... unconnected to people's expectations of what I should or shouldn't do without pushing back, at aggression or even by my own state, choosing the eliminating the whole incident from ever having started in the first place by my total unawareness of it... what I mean is... that if I was so focused on higher vibrational states of perception I would have been unable to even see what my little I/ego perceived as a threat to its "importance"...I would have been aware enough to be oblivious to that "lower energy"... and not fed into it... now I understand the moment when I awakened from the argument and just abruptly walked away while the other grown man gloated like a teen aged child... perfectly ok... I was mortified with myself and spent a good twenty minutes thrashing myself until again awakening to a different perspective, understanding the whole thing was a priceless lesson for me... a new form of behavior I'm not that familiar with yet... but I am sincere... I am in earnest with my inner transformation... boy is it rough at times...for me anyway... I have become the person I desire to be... I have learned how to keep that perspective from disappearing by staying mindful of my inner conversation and feelings at almost all times...of appropriating my desire, subjectively... and witnessing the objective arrival of the subjective appropriation... so many goals to experience I remain with the single is everpresent now...I go within and imagine my desire fullfilled, in such completely ridiculous blind faith and emotional, even sensory feeling that I am totally blind to actual physical circumstance... within myself the feeling of the fulfilled desire, has totally over ruled the facts of my circumstance, and in a psyco-sexual act of ejaculation I literally seed my subconcios with that fulfilled desire... in all ways possible, with all my heart and soul and strength... in this imaginal act though much more intense than a day dream... I have transcended a less desirable state of awareness and literally been redorn in my perspective...when satisfaction and relief, comes upon me I am then able to go about my life in total faith that the desire is actually fullfilled... well i need not even think of it for it is a is less than this secret...we speak of here...more than that state of perception my awareness, my belief is so certain of it, that I cannot be swayed or moved to believe in my pleasent faith, I reside in my heart... I do not worship the world or the false idols in it... everyday is another day I have learned more of God, and less of this world... it is greater than recieving the fishes and the loves, it is the way to be free of all material need or worldly suffering for that abstract concept of "forever", for men here only say they understand forever, because how could they possibly understand that which they have no evidence for... yet Insisting they understand "forever", I can then say to them and yet you doubt and scoff when I say I can imagine a thing and have it come to pass, in my life... you understand a word having no evidence of its truth or presence but you doubt me because I am merely a man like you... and so always will you have your suspicion and never faith... until you believe... until you cannot be moved by the will be buffeted about by it... so it is for me ...somehow my fear erased from my inner feeling... I have been able to let go of people and the world as my center of belief in happiness or as my source of "survival"... for even the word survival itself is an illusion... it's the same kind of subtle illusion our insecurities have wrought our megalithic monuments of false idolatry to... civilization an insane fall from great height to the jagged rocks below, and still we re-emerge from the bottom to climb to the top again and jump like insane hallucinating creatures, like some strange compulsion that drives us toward it... ignorance we seem shackled to ... there is a key... there is an escape, but it requires walking away from civilizations worship... its demands upon your alligence... I am in the world but not of it... now freed from its tyranny its enslavement... it's claim upon me that is a hollow decree its an empty claim of ownership it cannot collect... this world is subject to your view you are not subject to it... the world comes forth from your heart, you do not come from the world's heart...we are the author the actor and audience... all bound within self... concioussness is the one and only reality... concioussness is the cause and creator of your world... there is only you, as everyone and everything is you... pushed outward from is not a literal thing... just like this world that is made of awareness... and not the gross solid matter it seems to be, so my dream-desire springs out from within me like a ghost into an incarnated child fully fleshed out, but this child is not made by conventional methods but immaculately... and a carnal understanding of the miracle is beyond our mortal comprehension... and these miseries of the world come out of seeking after the understanding of know this mystery, and I have faith in it...without knowing how it works... in God my faith rests... I need no understanding I cannot have... I need no mystery I cannot hold... this is the temptation... and it can be overcome... I need not add to or take away from the word... I need not ponder how... to be free from the blindness I thought myself to be...even myselfs to be...a non reality that never was...I fought so hard to convince myself it was...that fight has finished, I give up yet again ...and gain...again the wisdom of the world is wrong... finding not one superstition called wisdom, in this world...has ever been true being is formless and unseen...I have embraced here and now ...I see the strange fire and smoke of this illusory world... all the greatest discoveries of man are foolishness to an eternal God whom is myself...yourself...this world is a mirror telling me whom I am...and there is no problem in myself... only what is...amd all of what perfect...may my perception learn to see it...always. .

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